Memoir

When I was a child I would always feel bad and not know why I have to go through such hardships. I always feel like I don’t belong anywhere and people don’t understand me. Who are other people to talk about or judge how other people want to express themselves. Especially, when they know they are no better than others. Every day I try to figure out what I can do to be accepted by others. I can’t stand myself when I try to fit it, in, want to be an individual. There was even a time where I thought that it would be better if I just tried to fit in.
Every time I would try the same thing would happen over and over. I would always do the things that I wanted to do. It seemed like I was trying to sabotage myself on purpose. Whether it was involuntary or voluntary is still unknown to me. The fact that I kept repeating my actions again and again is clear. Then, I started to wonder if I could really change the way I am and be accepted.
One night I had a spectacular dream. I was told by a mysterious sage to answer a riddle and I can find the answer to what I’m looking for. The sage told me “What you seek has the characteristics of water, illusion, and shadow.” I figured out the riddle, but when I was about to say the answer I woke up. I still had the answer in my head and I went towards it. I should have guessed that the answer was a mirror. All I could see was me, so I came to a conclusion that if I am the only one that can live my life so I should just be myself.